THE BREAKDOWN OF MY CHRONIC BODY IMAGE ISSUES AS A TEEN
I vividly remember in 7thgrade, I noticed my body was starting to change. I started feeling tiny bumps on my face(acne) and felt my hips get bigger. Then, in 8thgrade, I got my period for the first time. I remember sitting in my science class and all the sudden feeling this wetness in my pants. I looked around and noticed my face getting hot. I quickly asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom and tied my sweatshirt around my waist, thinking I had peed my pants?! Anyways, as I awkwardly rushed to the bathroom, I entered and immediately walked towards the full length mirror.
I took a breath and turned around to see this red stain on my white Bermuda shorts. I felt a wave of heat flush over me and my heart started racing….“where am I going to find new pants?!”, I thought and said out loud. I felt so embarrassed, shocked and uncomfortable. I just wanted my mom and to go home early! It was just me in the bathroom, so I could talk to myself as much as I wanted to. I went pee and (this may be TMI) but I just kinda shoved some toilet paper up there. I didn’t really know what else to do. I slowly walked(hobbled) out and went straight to the nurse’s office, I immediately called my mom and tried to hold back the tears as I explained to her what just happened.
I was shocked, scared and caught so off guard. I guess I was becoming a woman! I remember after that day, my body REALLY started to change. Like, my boobs got bigger, my face shape changed, I had to regularly shave my legs and armpits, wear deodorant, etc. IT WAS ALL NEW TERRITORY! It was uncomfortable and trust me, there were many moments of me crying in dressing rooms while trying to fit into sizes that I wanted to fit in so badly, but couldn’t because my body had changed.
I had been bullied a few times before, when people would comment on my forehead but going through puberty was so much harder because I was bullying my own self. No other person was coming up to me and saying “Hey, you are so pale and ugly. You don’t have a normal thigh gap, or big boobs or a symmetrical nose”…. It was sadly just me, being my own bully. Isn’t that the worst though? When you are beating your own self up about things that you were literally born with. Yes, you could go get plastic surgery or lose weight or go diet- but I don’t think that those things will ever make you feel “enough” unless you sit down with yourself, have a good long look in the mirror and actually FEEL something. Cry, laugh, feel awkward but actually start saying the affirmations or hug yourself.
It really does make a difference and you never want to get to the end of your life and think, wow I never wore a bikini or shorts or showed off my body because I was to insecure and couldn’t just enjoy the moment. Now, I am in a much happier place and I truly think that as you get older, your priorities shift and it’s not just about fitting in all the time, or trying to impress the guy who sits across from you in math class. THE REAL QUESTION STILL REMAINS- How did I overcome my body image issues?
- I started taking the time to fill up my cup every morning, before work/school and would stretch/journal/meditate and word myself up.
- I became my own inspiration after seeing everything I have been through with anxiety, body image issues, etc. I have been through it all yet I still have a smile on my face every day and treat others well
- My health scare( and being cured by the medical medium) truly, on a soul level, showed me that my body is SO MUCH STRONGER than I could ever imagine. It survived 7 months of trying 25 different antibiotics, being misdiagnosed and getting ultrasounds, x-rays, MRI’s and blood tests. It made me understand myself( not just someone else telling me that I am more than a number on a scale or the size of jeans).
- To know that it takes time to love yourself on a deep, soul level. It’s a lifelong journey and you have to make active choices( with your thoughts, self-talk and lifestyle choices) every day to further your wellbeing.
- Remember, self- love will affect every area of your life! You should realize that when you do love yourself, it will attract better quality people into your life and you will want to make healthy choices!