I believe that we store major life trauma or turning point emotions in our bodies. Maybe when you were five, a family member commented on your body shape. Or, in High School, your boyfriend broke your heart. We all go through major milestones (positive or negative) that can forever shape us. Sometimes they are moments that we don’t even think impacted us in a big way. All I know is that since I’ve been on this spiritual healing journey, so much has come up. Especially when it comes to self-worth and body image. Growing up, I ALWAYS compared myself to other girls.
I truly felt unattractive and that my physical appearance= my worth as a person. I think it was a mixture of; not having a connection to my soul, not many guys talking to me and not realizing that I am an extremely smart, wise and powerful person. I feel that not many guys talked to me/asked me out was because I had a major block of my own self-love. There is such a difference in someone when they fully love themselves vs not. It shows up in they carry themselves, their inner dialogue and how they treat others. Currently, at 23, I am fully on the healing path and have had countless moments of crying while deep in meditation because of past insecurities coming up.
Moments from High School parties and no guys coming up to me, using humor to mask my anxiety, not having a perfect thigh gap and not feeling any deep connections to my friends. All of these things have come up because I feel that they need to be healed and released, so I can welcome in the new. It doesn’t help to hold onto the old. As I get closer and closer to big career blessings coming my way, I can feel the old Megan coming back in. The feeling anxious, unworthy, ugly and just in general confused about her life. I don’t like using the word ugly, but I really did not like myself.
I was just such a giver and felt that if I asked for help, then I was weak or useless. I just had a story that my pain was not my purpose and that it was bad to talk about your problems. Now- it’s fully the opposite. I’ve realized that I had a higher purpose all along, even when I was 10 years old and felt constantly worried. It was all on purpose, at the right time. What has helped me a lot with healing from past traumas (and I say trauma because there is a spectrum and I believe that everyone has traumas), are crystals, therapy, reiki and acupuncture. It’s so bad for your body to physically carry emotions from 10 years ago. Yes, releasing it can be painful and overwhelming, but there is also a sweet release. It’s like you can finally move on.
I would highly suggest meditation and crystals for getting to the root of any repeating problems in your current reality. Maybe you keep attracting the same kind of partner, friend group or money situation. Well you can heal it and do better! I also feel that it’s very important to listen to your body. You will know intuitively when it’s time to stop, feel and heal. It’s like stop, drop and roll haha. Also, a big thing for me(that I’m dealing with right now) is the fear of people not taking me seriously/respecting me if I’m not fully inspirational.
As a teen, I surrounded myself with people who knew me as the always funny, goofy, can’t take her seriously girl. But that wasn’t really me, I just used it to hide my anxiety and that persona matched how I felt about myself on the inside. Now though, I am 23 and have outgrown that. But when I was 19,20,21 I really put on this full-on Tony Robbins, hardcore personality. Yes, I am doing what I love but I still am figuring out who I TRULY am. I know for sure I am wise, kind, empathic, talented, beautiful, hard-working, kickass brilliant, lovely and a survivor. I truly hope this helps you begin the healing journey of peeling away the layers that no longer serve you. It can feel overwhelming, shifting and unsettling- but that is just the emotion leaving your body.